In 10 years, 3 peoples eyes have seen these words, and only select few passages. I have decided to throw away all of my old baggage. I do not need these anymore. I have held onto them for some since of meaning for all of these years... but its time to let them go. I am throwing them away, but I can't help to wonder if some of my things could make someone else feel better. No sense in keeping the journals filled mostly with friend gossip and boy trouble. But I want to preserve my "poems." They hold no laws, so they are not in fact poems. Rather heart splurge of a teenage girl.
A tear falls from my eye
My mouth lets out a cry
I am shutting the door,
no more, I can't deal.
I am locking my heart.
All I want to do is feel.
Feel a hand on my shoulder,
and lift away this fucking boulder.
They are all the same.
Sent to make you insane.
Touch my heart and rip at my clothes.
A pen touches paper
to ease this pain.
Pull at my hair,
it does the same.
The world turns around,
while we descend.
Searching our whole lives,
for the end.
Tripped out by fear,
why is it God's left hand,
I hold so dear?
Be careful, don't fall
yet take a giant leap.
This world plays for rounds.
I play for keeps.
I was 14 years old when I wrote this. 1999.
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Can anyone hear me?
Am I screaming out loud?
Can anyone see me?
I'm not a cloud.
Anyone out there?
I am talking to a wall.
Please hear me.
I am wasting my time, taking another fall.
1998.
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An angel falls from heaven.
A flower wilts and dies.
A carefree laugh is stifled.
A saviour fails to try.
Hope sees no chance.
Love turns to hate.
Charities don't care, now patience tries to wait.
Even loyalty forgets,
in this world with such despair.
In my world of dreams,
a crack begins to grow.
The babe that gently laughs,
to innocent to know.
A hard and bitter loss,
is all that will remain.
Our lives a simple game.
To win we know is painful,
to cheat is too unfair.
And soon we learn,
we always lose.
But do we really care?
I never dated this, but I wrote it after having to move in with my dad. So I had to of been around 16.
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Madness.
Falling, falling, turning to sadness, falling deeper turning to madness.
Poping pills, getting high
spinning, spinning, out of control.
Try and look around, for something to hold.
Falling, falling, turing to sadness, falling deeper turning to madness.
Can't anyone hear my cries, when cries turn to screams,
yet still no replies?
I can't do it!
I can't keep solid ground!
Round, and round,
spinning, spinning.
Falling, falling turn to madness, fall deeper, turn to sadness.
All I can do is cry,
once you start spinning, say "Bye, Bye"
15 and on a lot of drugs.
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I wrote this in a hospital. Thanks Mom, loads of good times.
Ever wondered what it must be like to be happy?
To smile for 24 hours straight?
No frowns, no tears
No unhappy thoughts.
No hurt
No wanting to die.
One day, One day is all I ask.
One day where I don't put on a smile to cover my frown.
To laugh to cover my cries.
I hate having no one know me.
Know where I have been, what I have seen.
No one knows.
No one knows the scratches I hide, the tears I have cried.
No one knows the real me.
If only they could see.
But then again, how could you tell someone, something like me?
I hate reading this one. I was 14 years old. Sadly, age 14 was filled with the most pain. I was hospitalized for something I didn't have. I spent 6 months in a mental hospital.
....because I ran away from home..
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-That is all for now. I have many, many more. I can't believe I am doing this. I can't believe I am letting any of this be read. Please don't judge me. I was in so much pain. Its quite unfair that children have to suffer by the hands of adults. I am not this person anymore. Do not feel bad for her. Her slow decent into sadness was only greeted with a life of happiness. I took control of myself. I lost myself again, living with boys is a whole nother story.... but I am alive and happier than I have ever been. I thank God for my outcome. I believe someone did hear my cries. I feel for other kids that could be hurting. And I feel like I could help.
~maybe I will.
~Alice.
Continued....
How can you shut your eyes
and open your mind
to a world all but left behind
Turn someone away
but in secret
want them to stay
Close your heart
lock it with care
for it will still be split apart
let fall from your eye, a tear
and swear to everyone
you hate it
when their near
Call out a name
alike and not
but it still isn't the same
You hate it when their away
But away they will stay
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